Currently Playing The Beautiful Letdown By Switchfoot see related

19-23 days until I should know if I'm into FSU!!

I'm so scared that I won't know all of the things to do. Mmph. I'm scared, but I'm still excited. I'm growing up so fast. *tear*

Everyone is like, "You'll get in, you'll get in," and I know FSU is not the hardest school to get into but still, it's a major university so you never knooooow. Haha. I really don't see how they could possibly reject me, though. I've been working so hard with all of my extracurriculars and good grades. I've been a stress-pot for like four years just so I could go to FSU. And the end is so near.

This year is FLYING by. We are almost halfway through with it. It seems like just yesterday we were like, "Dude, it's gonna be so fun to be seniors!" But yes, it is still very fun.

Work sucks. They were like, "Lauren, Christmas Eve. Can you work?" Uhhh. HELL NO I CAN'T WORK. It's Christmas Eve for crying out loud. My family eats together and opens presents on Christmas Eve in a town that is an hour and a half away. There's no way I could close the store then drive there by myself at like 10 at night. My family would not wait for me. So I told her [my boss] this, and she was like, "Well we may end up having to draw straws. And usually I would just make you work since you're the manager, but since your relatives are so far away you probably won't have to work." They still haven't asked the other employee if she can work (they did ask Randy and his situation is similar to mine) so I hope she can.  If we end up drawing straws and I have to work, my dad said I would just have to quit because we aren't switching around our entire holiday so I can work at some rinky-dink movie store.

He then proceeded to wonder why the owners of the store (if they were so adamant about being open on a semi-holiday) couldn't get off of their lazy asses and work at the damned store.  I wondered the same thing, my friends.

Blaaaah.

Currently Playing This Type Of Thinking Could Do Us In By Chevelle see related

*Dances around.*

I have too much energy at the moment. And no outlet. SEX IS THE ANSWER! Haha. Yessss.

Pfft. This weekend was alright. Friday after Randy got off of work he, Kassie (of course), Andy, and I went to Wal-Mart and the Waffle House. We are definitely the epitome of cool. Hehe. And it was freaking late, too. We're such rebels.

Saturday I watched football and then went to work. I know I only worked for four hours, but it seemed like an eternity. Blaaaaah. My body is seriously out to get me because every time I work I start to feel like I just might die. I can barely move. Not to mention that I've been sick and my snot factor is extremely high.

Mmm, that's sexy. I seriously need a tall boy to kiss. Hee.

And I can feel you breathing, and it's keeping me awake....

Currently Playing Crossfade By Crossfade see related

Mmmph. Sickness is settling into my body and head quite nicely.  I can feel it coming from a mile away. It is not sneaky. No, no, my friend.

Dude. I'm having a breakdown. Seriously this time. I was on the verge of crying the entire day on Friday.  I got a freaking C on an easy ass Physics test.  But he will let me retake it because he knows how badly I've been stressing about things lately. But still. I made stupid mistakes.  And I didn't sell my ten ads.  I'm hoping that if I go to my yearbook advisor and make her realize that no one has the ten ads that it will be okay and she will give us some sort of extension.  But I feel like a total slacker on that end.  If she kicks me off of yearbook then it will just be one less thing on my shoulders. 

I have my rough draft argumentative essay due on Monday.  I've done very little on that but it is just a rough draft, after all.  My redone essay that I got an 89 on is also due on Monday.  And I've also done very little on it as well. Golly gee. I am not being productive lately.  It's just that when I know I don't have to do my homework at home (because I have like 3 periods that are free in the first half of my day) I just don't do it.  I need my home time to be relaxation time. 

By the end of the day I felt a little better.  Mostly because I got hugs from Bart.  Haha. Okay that's not the only reason, but he is so tall and he gives such great hugs.  That's really all I need in a man: tall and good at hugging.  Hehe. Too bad I have noooo interest in Bart whatsoever (contrary to his belief apparently). 

Oh, now we come to the lovely subject of boys.  Boys, boys, boys.  Women really think their minds are enigmas because they fail to realize that what you see is what you get.  Girls are complex.  So we project our complexities onto the boys we meet.  We assume that since we would have ulterior motives for doing something, they would also. Oh, no.  Seriously. How complicated is that?

I know that in the last entry I professed my crush-age.  But I really...REALLY like this boy. Crap. This is so not the right time.  Especially since my best friend is so obviously loving him.  And I'm not being paranoid and imagining it either. Andrea agrees.  Which makes it hurt more to know that it won't go anywhere.  Even if he was interested. Which I do not know. Oh. I do have evidence that said friend is liking my crush:

Evidence A) Today I went shopping with her, and seriously everything that came out of her mouth was something about him.  It was said in a casual manner, but, being the paranoid person that I am, I did happen to realize that she talked about him an unusual amount.

Evidence B) She always seems to go rent and/or return her movies when he is up there.  I have not seen her one time for months while I was working.  But it just so happens that she is still renting about the same amount as usual.  And also, one time I went up there to get a movie...and who should I see there? Oh, Kassie and Jessie, who else?  I felt kind of bummed about that because they made no effort to call me and they were kind of like deer in the headlights when they saw me. That was totally lame.  And also, one night I went home and Kassie and Jessie dropped me off, and I casually mentioned I may go get a movie.  So I go up there, and not 5 minutes after I get there, who walks in? Oh yes, my friends, Kassie and Jessie.  It really kind of upsets me.

Evidence C) Her livejounal entry.  She was just GUSHING about the great time she, Randy, TJ, and Shelley had last night.  While I was working.  Of course.  It made me feel left out once again, and slightly upset because she was hanging out with him and...I'm not jealous...I just wonder how their relationship is. Because if it is the same as mine and his, I mean...I guess I'm just getting my hopes up.  I wonder if he tells her everything that he tells me. I am jealous.  I don't want them to spend time together.  I just don't see how he could like her, though.  She is seriously unstable.  I mean she is my friend, but her last relationship was not healthy.  And her mood swings all the time! most of the time she is just depressed for no reason.  And sometimes if shes happy she's like extra giddy.  It's kind of like, dude just pick a mood and stick with it for a while.

Okay so I am obsessing.  I just...mmph. Yeah. It's been so long since Ive liked someone that I don't really know how to act.  I need to talk to Andrea or Jessie about this because they are the only two that I have told. 

Is it just me or does it always seem like when I do like someone, a certain friend always seems to...fuck it up? Haha. I mean the last time I was seriously crushing, she came in and fucking kissed him. While she had a boyfriend. And the two of them both knew that I liked him.  Sigh.  I mean I'm not angry, but it is still there. I'm never going to forget it.  Sometimes I wish we weren't friends. It's so hard to talk to her lately. So I just don't. I don't tell her anything that important anymore.  She doesn't confide in me so why should I confide in her? We still get along fine (today, for example, was great). I still just don't feel as close to her as I used to.

But she also lives close to him...like just a short walk away. Sigh.  What if he likes her? If they ever started going out...it would be weird.  I dont know how I would deal.

Dude. I'm totally crushing. And it's killing my insides. I just wish I knew if he had any feelings towards me. Or if I'm, yet again, goofy friend Lauren. Total suckage.

I'm so not in a great place right this second.

And in other news, I'm completely stressing over all this yearbook stuff. I have to sell 10 ads by tomorrow and I have 7. And everyone always tells me no.  And I made an 89 on my essay today. I really didn't need that 89. It brought me from a 96 to a 94.7. I mean yes, its only one point when you round but...Still. A 92 is a B. I freaking hate college scales.

And why is only my right eye watering? And my left nostril is runny. Dude I'm so unbalanced. Haha.

Sigh. I'm worn the hell out. Seriously. I mean...I'm a girl and all, and I know that crying isn't all out of the ordinary for my particular gender. But I feel like if I think too long and hard about my stress and tiredness, I am seriously going to cry.

Crap. I also think I might have a crush. On a boy that is like...one of my best friends. And I think that crush has the potential to turn into serious, serious like-age. And he's been gone this whole week so I'm kind of at this weird place where I'm not sure how I feel.  But my friend Rodge and I both agree that it is blatantly obvious that my best friend is, in fact, crushing on this same good friend. Oooh. Good. That is why I am holding off this liking phase.

Sigh. I just feel kind of helpless. I mean they pretty much live right beside one another. And I don't know if he confides in her like he confides in me. I just know that (not to sound corny) I kind of actually like having eye-contact with him. I mean I'm not weird about looking people in the eye. I just can't keep it up for long periods of time.  Seriously, I have no idea why. I think it has something to do with a weird control or something. Anyways. I'm off topic.

Oh. New topic. I sent in my application to Florida State. And they now have all of the things they need to review my application. And I am so excited. Seriously. It makes me smile just thinking about it. But I am so scared at the same time. Ugh. Im nervousexcited. It's now a new word. I think it accurately describes how I am feeling.

End.